Things...and Gnomes

Okay...I realize that I used to blog every day and everything but evidently, I am a huge slacker and cannot stop myself from blog neglect. I don't mean it. It doesn't mean that I don't love you, Internet, it just means that I am...not busy at all and really have nothing to say. However, some interesting things have happened lately...and they have probably been blog-worthy, but I have either been working or drinking...so...I obviously haven't had time for the actual blogging of such events...but I will provide you, here, with a short list of things that have occurred.

MP came back from the Great White North because she couldn't handle the cold.

MP, Party Boy and I witnessed a hit and run outside of a bar.

I saw Eric Lindell at Springing in the Blues.
Spliff got laid off.

We got a new neighbor (in place of Rad Neighbor, who got out of the Navy and went home to NOLA) and she looks and (evidently) acts like she is 9.

I am thinking about finding a new job and quitting the nursing home gig...(not because I don't like it but because I don't like the fucking skank that I work with.)

I have downloaded too many New Kids on the Block songs to my iPod.

A guy from my high school died in Iraq last week.

A 20-year-old at work is admittedly in love with me (which would be awesome if he weren't a CHILD.)

*Our gnome got stolen from our front yard. (Which really IS ironic if you remember the "gnome-napping of 2002").

That really is about all I got, ya'll. I swear there was something that I felt I should blog about...and then I forgot what it was...so...this is what you get.

*Okay, for those of you who DON'T know about the "gnome-napping...", it went like this...and this might be sort of long-winded...but...whatever. MY STORY, MY WIND.

Spliff, Jennijawhore, Rick and I had gone to St. Augustine one day and had many, many margaritas when we decided that what was really missing from our lives was some...thievery. So, naturally, we concocted a plan involving the theft of Ad Rock and D's garden gnome. But, we also needed a ransom. So we spent hours clipping single letters from fashion magazines and formed a ransom note demanding the following:
A pink lawn flamingo
guava jelly
a copy of swank magazine
Rainbow toe-socks
and several other ridiculous items...

We arrived at Ad Rock and D's apartment, wearing all black (Jen in ski-pants) and ski masks, stoned and ready for action. We had the video camera and the polaroid camera and we intended to video the theft and take a photo of the gnome for...dramatic effect and leave at the scene of the crime along with the ransom. However, when we got there, the gnome was gone. SO, we video-taped us coming up to the door all ninja-style and then NOT finding the gnome, we snapped a picture of the ground where the gnome SHOULD have been and then used a knife to stab through the photo and the ransom and into the ground where the gnome (was SUPPOSED TO) had been. (I am a little hammered so my grammar is BAD.) Anyway...we left with no gnome...BUT...it was a really funny video.

Later that week, after being questioned repeatedly by the owners of the gnome, D finally got me to fess up. We were at Starbucks, where we spent most afternoons, when she said, "Seriously, if you did it, tell me. I won't tell Ad Rock." And she didn't. In fact, she gave me a key to their apartment and let us come in and turn it (quite literally) upside-down. The kicker, of course, was the fact that we had Mark Brunell (formerly of the Jacksonville Jaguars, who we regularly saw at Starbucks) jot down on a piece of stationery, "I stole your gnome" and then sign it and then we (after breaking into their apartment) stuck it on the refrigerator with magnetic poetry...(there was some creative message here too...but I can't remember...)

Anyway...that was the short version of the Gnome-Napping...and now we are not only nappers...but VICTIMS. Damn you, karma, damn you.

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