So, I Almost Married A Jesus Freak

I don’t know if I mentioned this, internet, but about a year ago, I got to speak to ZH for a few minutes while walking out to the car after a 311 concert. We hadn’t really spoken since I decided that, not only do I not want to have my own kids, I don’t really want to have to take care of someone else’s (not even his charming little hell-raising one) so it was rather shocking when he called me. Seeing as he had been quite bitter that I had ruined his plans to turn me into some sort of domestic anomaly and make me bland, and seemingly tried to forget that I had ever existed…I didn’t think that I would ever hear his voice again. Especially not after I’d had too many beers in the VIP area and had gotten teared up when the band played that song that he always loved so much. So there I was, stumbling to the car with a couple of friends, fighting off tears as he told me he was getting married. ALREADY.

Don’t get me wrong, this is the life that he desperately wanted and I had no desire for, so I wasn’t upset that he was getting what he desired. I was upset that we had grown so far apart that we hadn’t spoken in an amount of time that allowed him to meet someone, fall in love and get engaged. And I had no idea. That stung.

So, today, while reading a message from Tory on myspace, and discovering that her psychotic ex has an account, I got a little curious. After all, if that fucktard can figure out how to use a computer and stuff, then maybe ZH had figured it out and jumped on the myspace bandwagon. Well, internet, he has figured it out and he has jumped on board. And let me tell you something…his wife has turned him into a redneck jesus-freak. And it made me throw up in my mouth a little. His background is an American flag (which, okay, I am not opposed to America or flags but…COME ON) and he is all, talking about the bible and stuff. This is the kid that ate 27 hits of acid and swore he could see through the floor into the downstairs apartment. This is the kid who once chased a dude down the street on a skateboard waving a baseball bat. This is the kid who, just two short years ago, was the best thing in my world. And now? Now he is…I don’t even know who he is. I am grossed out.

A couple of positives on this:

1. His profile song is “Amber”, which was sort of “our song”. This isn’t completely positive, but it does show that he hasn’t COMPLETELY lost his mind and he still can recognize SOME good music.
2. His daughter is adorable as ever. She is going to be one gorgeous girl.
3. He still looks like ZH. He has gained some weight and stuff, but he looks good. And happy.
4. I am totally cuter than his wife. Let’s face it, I am a chick, and we need to be cuter than your wife if we have already dated you. We need it.
All in all, I don’t know how I feel. I definitely am not stricken with heartache because I don’t even know that guy. And I am definitely not pining, so that is good. My view of the world has changed. I am at a loss.

I need a beer.

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