Despite all of the things that I was supposed to do tonight, I cut them all short. And even missed out on some. The thought of seeing people makes me want to scream. I feel like an alien lately. Like nothing I say or do could be considered normal. Like my thoughts have tripped over themselves until they are completely discombobulated and backwards. I miss the days when I didn't think so much about what I think.
I did my tarot cards...It looks as though this year, things will be looking up. My cynicsim won't let me believe that.
Dipshit is in the living room with my roommate. Funny how he turns up when I decide to write him off. Funny that I can't even leave my room until they leave now. Funny how things like this happen.
Part of me is really looking forward to the new year. I think it will be a good "do-over" for me. The last two years have been shitty. This one is destined to be better. (I hope). So...I am brainstorming about things that I would like to see happen.
1. Start my new job and be good at it...( I know I will start it...)
2. Be healthier...(mentally and physically)
3. Stop hanging out with people who are damaging to me. (I tend to do this because I am afraid of change and find it hard to kick old habits.)
4. Realize that the only person that I can change is me.
5. Study harder
6. Graduate
7. Meditate more often...manage stress better.
These things are well within my reach...I understand. They have, until this point, seemed unattainable. This will end here. This year. I think that with all the change that is happening this year and has happened over the last, I will find it easier to discipline myself. I will have fewer distractions and I will be able to focus on me for once.
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