It's funny how sometimes you don't think about your past at all and then something triggers all this weird "what if" shit in your head. I had a dream about an ex last night. And it wasn't bad...or good...it just...was. It is weird to think how much has changed for both of us since we broke up. More so for him. But I started to miss his friendship today. I go without thinking about him for months at a time...and then maybe, once a year...something happens and I miss his face.
Don't get me wrong, we were completely and totally wrong for each other, but he was a good friend to me. He was comfortable in a way that I don't think I can say that anyone else has been in my life. I hate that things have to deteriorate so rapidly when you "break up". Why does a break up have to be the end of everything else? Why can't you just hang on to the thing that you had before the relationship? Is it because too much has happened? I don't see it that way. I think that once you have been through a relationship with someone, realized it wasn't what you wanted, broken up on good terms, and moved on, you should be able to have a conversation from time to time. I don't want to see him every day. Not even every week, I would just like to know that I am not his absolute least favorite person in the world. ( I know that I am not, however, I have a sneaking suspicion, his wife does not share that sentiment...wives are weird about ex-girlfriends, I've learned...)
The fact is, life is too short to waste...I don't want to be one of those people who holds on to the past so much that they can't enjoy now. I just wish that things could be tweaked a bit so that they could be just a little less complicated.
Stuck-in-my-head Song of the Day: Untouchable Face- Ani Difranco
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