A Window

When my grandmother died, I spent a lot of time depressed. I slept all the time, I never left the house, and I sort of...shut down. I had dreams about her almost every night back then. I would wake up in tears or in a state of panic.

I hadn't had a dream about her in about four years. At least, not one that I can remember. But I had one last night and woke up and immediately wrote it down. This one was a little different than the ones I remember having years ago. This time, it was like I was visiting her.

The dream started with some of the ladies that I used to work with. One of them planned an outing for us and we were all at a mall. Although, it was more like going to St. Augustine for the day or something. There were all kinds of shops and cafes but we were on a tight schedule. We were rushing to get back, possibly to work. Somehow, I got separated from the group and was at a place that could have been a hospital or a nursing home or something. There were women dressed in scrubs and I was in the cafeteria there. There was a girl I knew. She was like a combination of many people in my life. I recognized her features individually and I called her by her name...although, it was a name that I neither remember or recognize.

The girl was in scrubs and she had just finished her lunch, it seemed. She was leaving the cafeteria and stopped to talk to me. She was carrying a large can of pineapple juice and suddenly, the juice started pouring out of the bottom of the can. She didn't notice until I said something. It spilled onto my shoes and the floor was slippery as I tried to get her some napkins. I almost fell. I was helping her clean up the mess and I said to her, "I am your workforce guardian angel." She laughed like she knew exactly what I was talking about, like I commonly helped her out with things. She said, "not for long, today is my last day." And then she walked away.

I walked through the cafeteria to a place that was set up like a movie theater only all the seats faced a gigantic window. When you looked out, all you could see was sky. There were many people seated there, they were all old. They were silently staring out the window. One of them was my grandma. I sat down beside her and wrapped my arms around her. She smiled at me, but she didn't turn her body towards me, she sat still facing forward. I put my head on her shoulder the way that I had done as a little girl when I went to church with her. She finally looked at me and said, "Is this real?" I told her it was...although I am not sure now what she meant. I started to sob. Loudly. An orderly or nurse came up to me (evidently, I knew her too) and scolded me, telling me that I had to leave. I cried harder. She said, "Five more minutes."

At this point, my grandma started to talk to me. I don't remember all that she said except that she was telling me not to talk to her after she was gone. She was sort of warning me about it, telling me to let go. Then she said, and this is the ONE thing I remember her saying, "You can't keep talking to Harry Potter." (I have never even SEEN any Harry Potter movies or anything...and I don't TALK to him...) I kept crying but finally got up and slowly walked away.

I started to walk home and suddenly felt lost. The streets were familiar but they seemed backwards. I thought I must be going the wrong way. I turned around and started to run. Everything looked normal again, but I had started to panic. Then, a few blocks away, I see my sister. She is a child again and she is wearing an entirely purple outfit.

That's when I woke up.

Normally, when I dream about my grandma, the symbolism isn't quite so obvious...although, this dream was eerie and creepy...and dammit, it freaked me OUT!